Holidays are Hard

I bawled in church today like a little girl who just got her pigtails pulled.  Jesus is risen.  Happy Easter.  Holidays are hard.  It’s hard to set out Easter eggs, watch the kid’s excitement in the morning, and not feel overwhelmed that Matt isn’t here to experience it with us.  It doesn’t help that I’m wading through my own messy depression, but reflecting on the mourning of Christ’s death just seems so much more understandable after grieving my own loved one.

Since posting last night, four things have happened that have made me decide to change directions in my writing.  These occurrences have given me a glimpse of the clarity I have been praying for.  The first thing that happened was I listened to a Rob Bell sermon from the 2011 Lent season.  I had started on the sermon series about a week ago.  When I came to this particular sermon I decided to wait before listening; somehow knowing it was going to have an impact on me.  The sermon contents, which did impact me greatly, brought me to the next thing.  I realized I wasn’t putting my trust in God as I have before, and I wasn’t doing this because I was being discouraged by lies from something ugly.  As far as I know, these are new lies, with a new message, that are being whispered to me … which I suppose is why I had so much trouble identifying them as such.  They twisted the truth so that it appeared … well, true.  The third thing?  Illumination Church this morning.  The worship, the resurrection, the sermon, my church family … the whole experience gave me the opportunity to open the flood gates I had been holding back for far too long.  And finally, a conversation with my ever gentle and loving Brad that helped me to more clearly state the feelings I was having, and some ideas on where to go from here.

I think where I am headed is to define who I am in Christ.  I want descriptive, colorful, and hopeful words on which to look to when the lies are whispered.  I’m going to the Bible, and I’m going to find and dig deep into these words.  There is solid ground on which to defeat these lies, and by the grace of God, I’m off to find it.  I want to lean on my risen Savior this Easter and remember His reply to Satan, when he quoted Deuteronomy out in the desert.  Jesus said to him “Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.”  I am trying to live on bread alone.  I love God, I worship God, I look to God for answers, and pray to Him everyday.  But when the sunsets on another day I – far too often – think the results will need to come from me.  Nothing comes forth from me that isn’t of Christ, and I am making myself available to the Holy Spirit to write this truth on my heart.

I wish you all grace and peace on this beautiful Easter!

The Ugly Spring

Minnesota, March, and 70 degree weather are not usually found in the same sentence.  Tomorrow the forecast is predicted at 78.  Today the ugly spring crushed me with it’s full power.  It felt great.

I lost spring last year to grief.  I don’t recall one memory of the overwhelming joy or hope that spring usually holds.  I think this lack of last year’s season is what made today so intense.  It was this intensity which brought to my attention the ugliness in spring.  Spring, in the very beginning moments, isn’t beautiful through sight.  Dog messes hidden by snow are now beginning to beg attention.  Trees still completely bare, without the frost of winter to give them sparkle.  Lawns are brown and matted down.  Yards are littered.  Roads are covered with sand and salt.  Today didn’t look beautiful … today felt beautiful.

The beauty of Spring is the power it holds in our experience of it, and it is not all found through the lens of our vision.  I praise a God who can make ugly and create one of the most treasured experiences of living on Earth.  The cycle of new life.  Now that is a reason to be thankful.

The beauty is in the smell of spring.  It’s in the hope it congers up inside us.  It’s the sounds of kids playing in their driveways.  The chatter of the neighbors who haven’t seen one another in months.  The birds returning to their nests.  It is the wind and the sun beckoning us with their warmth and playfulness.  It’s all of these things that call to us; they tell us that we have survived.  Survived another cycle of death and rebirth.  We have done it and summer is going to return.

Beauty isn’t just about what we see, it is about what we experience.  God doesn’t only give us hope in the expected, but in the unexpected.  Spring is proof that childlike joy still exists in every heart.  Beauty, hope, and joy … all found at the beginning of the ugly spring.

Earth … It’s Still Good!

This entire series of blog posts is indebted to Rob Bell, although I didn’t realize to  what extent until today.  I was thinking about a post on our calling to create (which will be coming in the next week) and remembered a quote, from a sermon a few years back, that has been etched in my heart ever since.  After searching, for quite some time, I thought I had found it.  I listened to the sermon series, a teaching about the Earth’s renewal, and found out my quote was nowhere to be found.  It wasn’t wasted time though.  I found something else.  I found the enthusiastic and hopeful look at the coming Earth 2.0 that I have been writing about.  I found my inspiration for this series.

Rob’s views, on what the new Earth may have in store and what our roles will be there, are breathtaking.  But believe me, you can’t pin this excitement down to just one sermon, because his vision is scattered throughout them all.  I wanted to attribute my desire to write about this topic to Rob, since after listening today I realized just how deeply embedded his hope in the new creation is set in my heart.  So, it was a different quote, one I heard today, that stirred me to write this post.  The quote was this …

“The new Earth is God’s way of saying, it’s still good!”

This place we live in was good when God created it in Genesis, it is still good today, and it will be good when God comes to renew it.  What God has created for us here is priceless, timeless, and everywhere we turn.  I think we lose site of this fact, because taking it for granted is just too easy.  I imagine that God’s creation will be an eternal place of enjoyment for us in the renewed Earth, and so as the theme of the series goes … that means it is worthy of our attention now.

What does God say about His ability to create?  What reaction does it arouse in Him?  There is no better place to look for this answer than in Job 38 …  “And the LORD speaks … “

It is in this chapter we get to glimpse, in amazement, into God’s description of His own creation.  Well, His description, along with a reminder of our finite ability to grasp it.  There is no way to summarize this chapter without losing it’s surprising and sometimes sarcastic tone … but some of my favorite parts are those reminders, posed as questions, of just how endless creation is and just how unaware of it we are.

The dumb ostrich who can run like the best of them, the mountain goats giving birth, the moving of the constellations, the depths of the ocean, the ends of the universe, the placement of the lightening and the winds, the power of the horse, and the protection over the lions.  It goes on for pages.

When I read these words I think I can take away from them three ideas: 1) God’s creation was good then and it is now, 2) If the Creator takes pleasure in creation, so should we and 3) Creation deserves our respect, our attention, and our care.

God uses colorful words to describe His creation, to remind us of details we so often miss, and to instill confidence that He takes joy in this creation … that it is still good!  The renewed Earth will be brighter, will be more colorful, and will be erased of the death that taints it now – but it will still be God’s good creation.  If we want to start living today, in order to prepare for renewal, we must take time to appreciate His creation.  We must take care of the Earth, because He has entrusted it to us.  We will not go live somewhere else … we will be here, forever.  It is our job to treat the world, the people in it, and all of creation as though we are seeing it through God’s eyes … as if it is still good!

Why Reality TV is Getting ‘Left Behind’

As I begin to dig into my study of what will be worthy of eternal continuation in the new Earth I have come to realize I’m likely going to ruffle some feathers in this series, possible even offend.  The things that, at their core, are the most detrimental to the way we are living are often the things that: 1) We don’t discuss at all, such as sex slavery and porn addiction, and 2) We discuss constantly without truly thinking about any subsequent ramifications.  I think today’s topic falls into the second category.

There is a theory of human communication labeled symbolic convergence.  This theory states that when a group of people share in some form of discourse a type of group fantasy emerges.  The theory goes much deeper into what symbols, of that fantasy, are then formed, but I think the theory can be useful when we take a look at our desire, as a nation, to be manipulated by reality TV.  What is it about reality TV that draws us in?  Why is it dangerous to our life?  And how are we victim’s to the propaganda machine that is mass media?

I have known the desire to be attracted to these shows.  I have been a faithful follower, in the past, of more then I would like to admit.  So I think I have a fair understanding of the appeal, as well as their the soul sucking capabilities.  If we look back fifteen or twenty years we can see where these shows took root: Lifestyles of The Rich and Famous, Cribs, and The Real World.  Although, not unheard of before 1990, they didn’t hold the same concept or appeal.  This monumental shift in what we view on TV is startling and worth some thought.

One of the most bothersome aspects for me is in the name itself …. “real”.  As viewers, we become involved in these ‘real’ peoples lives, we discuss the nature of their dramas and lifestyles, and we begin to view it as an actual part of society.  The problem is there is nothing ‘real’ about reality TV.  The people are want-to-be actors, or Hollywood nobodies looking to create a name for themselves.  The shows are scripted, far too much of what they ‘have’ is paid for, and the drama is caused by careful personality placement.  And even if that is all true what is the harm?  It is entertaining, after all.

When we begin to let the idea that these are real people, living in the same society as we are, we slowly start to undertake the notion that these fictions hold true in real life.

Peter Rollins is quoted as telling us that “Many of us would agree that having a better car, a nice home, or more possessions will not really make us happier. We are all able to concur that such things are not worth giving too much attention to and that we should not let our relationships suffer in order to achieve them. The problem, however, is that we often walk away from such conversations and act as if we do believe that they will make us happier and that making our relationships suffer in the pursuit of them is worth it. While we are very quick to say we do not believe, we continue to act as if we do.”

When we allow this into our lives, we are giving it permission to change our beliefs.  Your beliefs, after all, are only as good as the actions they live up to.  Watching reality TV which prides itself on fame, greed, casual sex, degrading women, stupidity for the sake of comedy, worth only through possessions, and self image we cannot expect that, after a given amount of time, these ‘values’ will impact who we are.  Add to that the conversations we have with our friends, family, and co-workers on the same subject and we find that those symbols I spoke of before will begin to form; we will let other’s reassurance of the worth and reality of these fictions to be our excuse to not look deeper.

There is so much more I could say on this, but I’m going to have to stop at some point.  I do think it is important to recognize the reasoning we continue to see these types of shows at such a fast rate.  Producers aren’t making these shows because, as a nation we like them more than any other given TV; rather, they produce them because the actors are paid next to nothing, no set is needed, and they cost little to make.

So am I suggesting we all turn off the TV, since that would be the only solution to rid ourselves of reality TV?  Do I think there are people that can’t watch a limited amount of these shows and still have a grasp on what is true and untrue?  Do I think they are all worthless and without morals? I don’t think there is one right answer for these questions that will make sense for every person.  What I do know is that reality TV won’t be part of this Earth 2.0 we are waiting on, the lies alone remove it from the running.  And if it won’t be part of what is to come, the chances are it isn’t a worthy of our time now.  At best we are missing something better, at worst we are contributing to something with the ability to create negative self-image, promote greed, and lift up those unworthy of the title role model.

There was a time in my life I found myself believing, and acting, as though the “reality” seen on certain shows were a standard worth striving for – when upon observation it should have been the exact opposite.  I know, for me, when I made the conscience decision to turn off these types of shows I felt freedom.  I felt more real.  I felt more grateful for what I had, and less envious of things I couldn’t attain.  I was given so much time to focus on more important things.  There was nothing I lost, nothing I missed, and nothing to regret.

Finding Something In Nothing

This is the second part of a blog series on the promised new Earth to come.  Read the intro to the series here.

To begin my adventure on discovering what is worthy of the label ‘eternal’, in this promised new Earth Jesus speaks of, I think the best place to start is to hallow out some space.  In order to know what fits, and what doesn’t belong, we must give ourselves the time to decide such things.

As long as I can remember I have desired to honor a Sabbath day.  If there are working parents out there who are able to do this, I applaud you, but for me taking a continuous 24 hour period to do nothing other than “be” simply doesn’t work.  So each time I would dream about the possibility I would end it with a defeated feeling, a shrug of my shoulders, and the thought ‘Someday, maybe’.  When I started to dig into what aspects of our Earth fit into this coming ‘Earth 2.0’ I came to the realization that, in regards to setting reflection time aside, something is better than nothing.  So my plan is to dedicate just one full hour each day to free my soul.

For each person this hour, or Sabbath, will look different, but I believe some of the substance can be universal.  I envision Sabbath as a time where we allow God to pour into us the validity of who we are in Him, by completely ridding ourselves of the notion that we are capable of anything apart from Him.  It is a time to spend with your family, with yourself, and with God.  It is a time you don’t clean, don’t fold laundry, don’t cook, and don’t look (or even think) about your to-do list.  It is a time to reflect on His grace and take time to enjoy His love.  An hour a day with your phone off, without emails, or texts.  An hour that you don’t write, create, or produce anything.  An hour that you don’t waste with convenient fillers, but rather with the TV off, the radio down, and your book closed.  An hour that is truly just about you being alive in this moment.

This time we give over to our Creator, as fully immersed in life and still completely emptied of ourselves, could be the key to seeing what we need to on our journey.  This will not be easy for me, I imagine it won’t be easy for you either.  To spend a full hour without any of my day-to-day, minute-to-minute picking up, getting done, and ‘wishing to do more’ will be a challenge.  I hope it will be worth it.

I would love to hear if you already spend time in self-reflection each day, or for a longer period on a weekly basis.  If creating this space/time was difficult, and if it continues to push you outside your comfort zone?  Does it gives you direction, a renewed sense of being, or peace?  What has worked, and what hasn’t?