Pornography isn’t a comfortable subject to approach. I’m going to do it anyway.
First though, I must pray over my blog and readers. I ask the Holy Spirit to protect the eyes of those who should not read this, that they would be blinded to these painful words of mine. I ask my Heavenly Father to expose this darkness and bring light to those people that desperately DO need to see this. And I ask my Savior to hold my heart and hand tightly as I share.
Recent research done at the University of Sydney indicates 70% of of men and 30% of women view porn. I imagine – private survey aside – that the majority of these men and women do not think or speak highly of their closed door habit. Since pornography is surrounded by such a dark place in our souls, people do not want to expose this habit to those around them … but I think we need to and I believe we have to do it now.
Pornography needs be discussed, dissected and dug out of this Earth before it grows any further. Porn reminds me of the creeping thistle that I fought so hard against in my last home. It’s roots so thin and brittle, just looking their way was practically enough to make them break apart and disappear. But I knew the root was long, connected and rooted deep in the dirt. I knew it was just waiting for the next place to pop up and grow. And what if – just like this thistle – porn use continues to grow as it is? What happens if it isn’t exposed the way it needs to be?
This thing affects every part of our lives; leaving marriages bloody, people completely clueless to what sex is, and the women?? Those women you are watching? Please understand the very likely possibility that she is being held against her will. That there is a really good chance that she is scared, unable to leave and the abuse you just watched her endure wasn’t in the least bit consensual.
The affects of viewing porn, or indulging in fantasy of any form, are so painfully extensive. I could review them, but I would rather encourage you to take the time to read this post by Mike Friesen. It captures the issue so perfectly that there is no need for me to do it again. Instead, I will share a part of my testimony.
There was a point in my life when I chose to be in sexually abusive relationships. My deep, unrelenting desire to be loved, combined with the conviction that there was no chance I ever would be, led me into sexual relationships that were nothing short of horrific. I was bruised, beaten, raped, manipulated, coerced, and lied to. Since these relationships brought me no sexual satisfaction, I often succumbed to temptation. I would view porn that mirrored the sex I was having, likely because these men were creating their own false ideals of sex by watching something similar.
As I reflect back, I think one of the biggest problems, for me, with porn was that even though I had repented of the outward sexual depravity in my life, I was still haunted and tempted by my past choices. When I allowed it to, this haunting had the power to plague me with shame and hopelessness … and I allowed it to for far too long. I told myself I needed to be ashamed of who I was and what I had done. It was this lie that kept me in that disgusting place for so long. In rehab they use a saying, “You are only as sick as your sickest secret.” I had just left a life full of secrets, and I was as sick as I had ever been.
Shame is not from God. Shame is from Satan. Shame holds us in bondage, but I have chosen to move out from this bondage. I now know that there is beautiful freedom in the forgiveness in Christ. There is relief in sharing my sickest secrets with someone I love and trust.
The last time I viewed porn God spoke to me. I can easily count the number of times God has whispered clearly/audibly to me. It isn’t an everyday occurrence. I wish I hadn’t wasted one of my chats with Him on this. What He told me was the girl in the video was a sex slave. And instantly, I saw it. The screen in front of me changed; it was as if I had been blind to it but a second ago. I stopped watching mindlessly and looked at her. It was obvious once I took the time to think about it … actually took the time to look at her. But somehow we program ourselves not to look at her.
It is time we start looking at her.
It is time to stop treating this woman, this Temple of the same Holy Spirit that lives in us, as nothing more than an unworthy piece of flesh. It is time to stop treating her as an object, only there as a means in which we try [in vain] to fill the hole of our sickest secret. She is in need of love. She is in need of freedom from a broken life. And, unlike so many other problems in our world, our part in the solution to her brokenness is simple …
It is time to turn off the porn.
Holy Spirit, please allow judgment to pass from those hearts that might be hardening in the midst of my ugly testimony. Free me from my own lies and self judgment. Guide those who read this, those who hide behind closed doors with pornography, to SEE the woman on the screen. To open their eyes to the broken girl who has lost hope, all because of our self indulgent and ugly nature. Open all our eyes to the true tragedy this is. Bind Satan from keeping us quiet, from telling us a lie that this is too hard or too ugly to be exposed. Wake us up, Lord.
Wake up, sleeper!
Rise from the dead!
And Christ will shine on you!