Reclaiming the Good News as Good

16 Wednesday Jan 2013

Posted by in Faith Reflections, The Church, The World Around Us

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(A reflection on our Gospel of Matthew course)

“Turn the other cheek”                                                                                             “Go the second mile”                                                                                                 “If they ask for your shirt, give them your coat too”

We have all heard these phrases before; at some point even possibly from our own mouth. There is a risk here though worth looking into. We are in danger of taking this teaching out of context when it is used as a piece of advice in response to someone who has sought guidance on a problem. It could be an example of a Jesus teaching turned into a cliché, quick fix answer.  The method of using these verses in such a light manner strips it of its ability to stir emotion. It causes us to lose perspective on what this means.

What if the problem you were facing with a friend had to do with lusting or a pornographic addiction? Would the words, “Pluck ‘em out,” leave your mouth? Or if a friend who was a recovering alcoholic told you they’d had a drink the night before, would you casually inform them it’s “Time to amputate”? Of course not, because that wouldn’t be helpful at all.

I believe our intentions are good. We see the beauty of the imagery Jesus portraits to us in these verses. We read these words and can almost embody the oppressed in that moment. We are able to envision ourselves summoning up the courage to put Jesus’ words into action. In the light of our active imagination, we’re filled with the full genius of what Jesus is asking us to do. We’re given a glimpse of what it must feel like to take the power from an oppressor by simply going the extra mile.

But there is a chasm between what we have historically done with these verses and the truth found when we allow them to penetrate our minds. The chasm is life experience, and therefore truly knowing the meaning. Without putting our beliefs into action they lack the ability to transform us. Preparing for this message, I tried to come up with applicable examples of when we are faced with an opportunity to live out this teaching—apart from the un-ideal work environment—I was stumped. Through this thought process, what I began to realize is that we cannot relate, because the majority of us are not oppressed.

I imagine the missionaries in China or the Middle East don’t use the phrase “Turn the other cheek” without a heaviness of heart and a fair amount of fear. The reason we don’t say to friend, who just confided in us they are having an affair, that it is time to ‘Gouge ‘em out’ is because this situation is real to us. In that moment, we are living out the implications of a marriage covenant being torn and at a time like these our words matter. Real situations require real responses.

Our lives are so blessed we fail to understand just how blessed they are. We drive—in a vehicle we own—to a store (a store with shelves full of un-diseased low cost food) and on the way we are cut off by a distracted person talking on their phone while driving. We slow down and move to the other lane, pointing out to ourselves the ability we posses to turn the other cheek … all the while, ignoring our self righteousness of course.

Now, I don’t say this to deter us from continuing to engage in the world by choosing grace over anger. In my own opinion, a Christian with road rage is no Christian at all. I’m also not suggesting we leave the second mile to those in countries where oppression is a far too common occurrence. I believe there is an alternative to be considered within the text that could give us a new way to use the teaching more wisely.

When we study the Sermon on the Mount, we find that these three verses on retaliation are placed among a set of verses in this chapter addressing the Old Testament law. Jesus is giving us an image of the bondage we are living in right now on earth and contrasting that by revealing to us the radical beauty we can expect in the coming Kingdom. And when we hear Jesus speak about the coming Kingdom—we listen. We listen because this should be our template for the life we are striving to live now. By living lives in a coming Kingdom fashion, we are bringing heaven to earth and what could be better than that?

So in verses 17-47, Jesus is speaking about Jewish law and sets up each by giving the traditional mindset for the people of the day. First, he speaks about anger. He tells us murder should be so far off our radar it can barely be seen, not something requiring a stone carving to implicate to us it’s evil.  Smart guy this Jesus. Jesus takes it further though, because that is where we are going in this coming Kingdom … further. He says we shouldn’t be angry … ever. If we get angry or feel anger coming on, we are to drop everything we are doing until it’s resolved.

Second, he teaches on adultery and divorce in marriage. The message is clear … if you feel like meeting your needs outside your marriage, whether it be a temporary fix or a permanent removal, don’t do it. He addresses that maybe there was a time it was done in a different way, but not where we are going it doesn’t. In fact Jesus tells us that if you have to perform eye removal surgery on yourself with a rusted old kitchen knife feel free. Do what you need to do, because these things aren’t coming to the Kingdom.

Then we learn to be a man of good character. Be reliable. Be straightforward. Don’t be the person who “promises to make it happen,” or “puts your word on it”. Apparently, in the coming Kingdom when we say we are going to do something—we do it. End of story.

So Jesus tells us about the old way of life and then about a new way of life. About the old law, then the new law. The old covenant, the new covenant. And it is at this point when we are taught about giving away more than is demanded. Going the extra mile, no matter the circumstance. It would seem to me, however, that with the description he has given us so far in regards to the coming Kingdom this whole idea is pointless. It’s pointless because the coming Kingdom doesn’t have oppression, does it? What is there to learn about the treatment of our oppressors when this won’t even be an issue in the next life? I believe the answer is found in the verses that follow:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”Matthew 5:43-44

In the previous kingdom we loved our neighbor, in the coming Kingdom we will love our enemies. Does this mean we will we have enemies in heaven? I think it is difficult to have enemies without anger, so my thought is no. I also don’t envision us to all be joyful zombies roaming around thoroughly satisfied with the company of every person we are around. We have personalities in this life, and I fully expect personalities to be present in the next life. It is likely that, although all living in peace, we will be among some people we like more than others. What does it look like to live, interact, and spend eternity with people that have starkly different personalities than your own?

I believe we learn what it is like when we take the opportunity to give our cloak when we are asked for our coat, turn the other cheek when were slapped in the face, and when we go two miles instead of one. These things teach us how to live in love and peace, regardless of our genetic makeup and preferences.

Jesus is teaching us about relationships. So the next time I come home after a draining day and my daughter asks me (for the 100th time that week) to play Barbie Uno—instead of saying, “Okay, but just one round” I will respond with “You know it! How about best two out of three?” And I will remember this the next time I’m in line at the grocery store, in a hurry and I’ve chosen the line with the chatty cashier. I will pause and recognize this person as a Kingdom brother or sister and listen to them for a while. And the next time I’m at a church meeting and the hand of someone who seems to always rub me wrong raises their hand; instead of looking for the moment I can jump in with my own thoughts, I will ask them questions to allow them to further clarify their own ideas.

There are opportunities for us to live in coming Kingdom ways every single day. Jesus invites us to live in the freedom of this Kingdom now, but challenges us in the ways we are to go about doing so. We will see His Kingdom come when we seek to be His teachings in what we do. The truth of the good news isn’t found in the ability to repeat pieces of Christ’s words, but rather in the determination to work at living life with the good news as our model.

There You Were

15 Monday Oct 2012

Posted by in Faith Reflections, Widowed World

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We had the honor of Dr. Greg Boyd and Dr. Paul Eddy leading  a seminar on God, Evil, and Spiritual Warfare at school this week. The following is an edited version of the paper I was assigned to write prior to the class. Greg Boyd has had a massive influence on my life, not just my spiritual walk, but rather on my entire worldview (I encourage checking out his website ReKnew.org). I have often wrote about the work of people who have had influence on me, but I tend to shy away from writing about Greg’s work for fear of undermining the weight of it’s beautiful integrity and intelligence. With that being said, I’m sure this reflection is far from encapsulating the message of living within a Warfare Worldview–not to mention my clumsy attempt to weave it together with his more recent work on how to view God in the face of things such as OT violence. Regardless, what it does contain is a vital lesson on how we view our Father when we face suffering and pain. I pray you’ll see what I have learned to see once more, the loving gaze of our Heavenly Father.

There You Were

I was driving down Hwy 169, on my way home after a visit to my parent’s house. The snow was melting, and apart from the massive amounts of sand and dirt peeking out along the roads, it was a beautiful scene. The air, not yet warm, carried on it’s breath a reminder of a new beginning. A feeling of anger welled inside me at the scent of rebirth revealed in the wind of that spring. I could hear my father’s gentle words still echoing in my mind from our visit, “Stephanie, God didn’t take Matt.” I knew that, but it isn’t what I felt. If God hadn’t physically ripped my husband from Earth—from his children, from me—He certainly hadn’t stopped someone else from doing the tearing. Regardless of who was to blame, my flesh that was once fused to my husband was now no more than a gushing, bloody wound I was forced to live with.

I have dealt with spiritual warfare in very tangible ways throughout my life, both before and after becoming a widow. The night I was attacked by a demon who was determined to keep me addicted to cocaine more then I was determined to get sober comes to mind. I think about the day I realized the person I had been listening to in the mirror for years—the one telling me I wasn’t worthy of love— wasn’t actually me. The day when my five year old daughter fearfully told me about her nightmare that contained evil beyond her knowing is my most hated of all. In light of this, it is easy to understand why the average American would rather plead ignorance than try to face the reality of the evil that lies just beyond our five senses. For me however, it was the night I lost my husband that I had to finally face my own ignorance about serving an all-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful God in light of a world filled with pain, evil and suffering.

My husband died of pneumonia at the age of 33. He was a healthy man. The night of his death, he went to bed early due to a bad cold he had come down with that day. Before sunrise the next morning he would be dead. During therapy for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I rewrote the story of my husband’s death in a way my brain was able to handle. For me, this process meant I had to re-walk through that horrific evening, but this time with Jesus by my side. When I now flashback to that evening, Jesus is present throughout the memory. Jesus was there and warns me of my husband’s waking and subsequent asphyxiation. Jesus cries out to our Father while I call 911. Jesus kneels beside me, snot and tears pouring into the carpet, as I hear the paddles being charged and recharged and recharged again. Jesus has become a physical part—as I believe He was—of the night my husband died, but where was God?

I knew God was there, I was certain. Why was it I couldn’t recognize Him? It wasn’t until over a year after my husband’s death that I learned I couldn’t see God because I was looking in the wrong places. I couldn’t see Him because I hadn’t fully realized the price we pay for the spiritual war raging all around us. I believe, in part, I couldn’t find God because I was only able to see a shadow of His imprint on that night. I had mistaken God’s shadow for His true self and that can be a costly mistake.

These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ.                                                       Colossians 2:17

If I hadn’t been sitting in a chair at Woodland Hills on July 15, 2012, I believe I wouldn’t be quite as capable to answer the question of where God was the night my husband died. Dr. Boyd’s book God at War allowed Spirit revelation into my life regarding God’s intervention, or lack thereof, in Matt’s death. But, it was through Greg’s message “God’s Shadow Activity” that things really began to click. I don’t think I would have the peace I now have regarding my internal dilemma of God “taking” my husband from me if it wasn’t for that sermon. I was at Woodland Hills that night though, and the peace that surpassed understanding for me in those first months of grief has more recently taken on an applicable peace that not only surpasses, but lies within understanding.

So as I sat there that evening, in my church seat, I began to peel away the lies I had been telling myself about God’s role in Matt’s death. I decided to think on that night one more time. This time I understood. This time I finally saw what I hadn’t seen before. I imagined that hellish night. I remember how I fell to my knees in our old hallway. I envision my face planting into the floor. I see myself crying out to my Heavenly Father with the most unearthly noise that had ever left my body. And then I remembered, Christ was there with me. So, I look up from the floor and meet eyes with my Savior as I had so many times during this re-enactment, but this time it was different.

My mouth, just barely able to move, utters in a hushed tone …. “Abba.”

God was there—right there—the whole time. It was only when I looked to the love, found on the cross, that I was able to see the true nature of God … regardless of the light (or darkness) in which I was looking through.

    

An Easy Answer

02 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by in Book Reviews, Faith Reflections, The Church

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I want to share this (rather long) reflection from one of my recent seminary seminars. We had the privilege of listening to Dr. Leonard Sweet for two days. His message, and mind, are gifts from God and if you haven’t yet read this book, “I Am a Follower” I would strongly recommend it.  This reflection is personal and I pray that all of those who have lived life with me will  take heart that I speak to the corporate church as a whole, but still let the Spirit challenge when needed. Grace and Peace

There are three times in my life Jesus showed up in a very physical way and said, “Follow me.” Remembering these times isn’t out of the ordinary for me. I think about these moments anytime I question why God has chosen me to love. What I realized this time; however, was just how easy it had been to say yes to Him. The first request to follow was when I accepted Christ. The last request was my call into ministry. The second time? It came at the end of the ugliest day of my life.

Of course, Jesus is asking me to follow Him every day. What is unique about these times is the added glory of a more physical presence to abide in. Since reading “I Am a Follower” by Dr. Leonard Sweet over a month ago, I have been struggling with my reaction to the book. I have read it a few times since, in hopes of changing my initial review. What was causing me to struggle was the fact that this topic seemed too common sense for me. The issue of leadership within the church is a deadly one, no doubt. The focus on attendance, number of salvation prayers repeated, and the resulting pastoral pride should be a place of shame for the church today. The fact that the average Christian looks nothing like the “Big J”, let alone a “Little J” is disheartening. And then something occurred to me, I was being naive.

As we sat around in our Spiritual Formation group and everyone was talking about how moved they were by Dr. Sweet’s message, I felt almost embarrassed in not sharing in their same sense of excitement. Graeme Seller (our previous instructor) had left me in a state of shock and awe, but Dr. Leonard Sweet speaks and I come away almost shrugging? So I reflected more, re-read parts of the book, looked at the seminar notes, and it finally started to make sense.

Being a Christ-follower first, faithfully, and fervently has been completely missing from my church experience. I identified this issue of lack of “follower”ship a few years ago and studied it in depth. The notion of being a “Christ-follower first” shaped and moved me deeply during that time. This seminar hadn’t challenged me the way it had others, because the story was already deep seeded within my heart. The seminar, and reflection on it, did wake me up to something very important. I can’t let the extraordinary in my life become ordinary. If a fellow Christian’s passionate work changes me to my core, I owe it to the Spirit to continue to fan the flames on my own heart so others might catch on fire too.

The church continuously drove me away during my life due to the issues addressed in Dr. Sweet’s book. I wanted to conform to Christ, and found myself instead conforming to the leaders in the church (who looked little like Jesus from where I was sitting). I wanted to do the things Jesus had created me to do, but I ended up just doing what the rest of the body was doing (which was often what the rest of the culture was doing). I wanted refinement, but was given no safe place to share my confessions. I wanted healthy community, and I was given social cliques. How can I expect to help make the changes I believe God desires to see in the church if I have already chalked these failures up to common knowledge?

It is an honored blessing that we serve a God who shows up in our lives and says, “Follow me.” My calling and salvation prayer are two of those times that embodied His beautiful presence. But as a church, are we allowing Christ to step in at times when it could be us? The ugliest day of my life, as I described it, came during a great time of depression. I was around the age of 23. I was just recently out of rehab for drugs, and I was using again. I had moved three states away from my family, despite their desperate pleas for me to stay. And that’s just the surface of the darkness.

On this day, I was crouched in the fetal position on the floor of my empty apartment. I was begging for an answer from God. I was begging for help. I had no one, and I knew I couldn’t go on. And right then, I heard Him. “Get up. We’re leaving.” I looked up to see Jesus Christ standing there beside me. His hand was reaching out to mine. He was inviting me to follow Him. I said yes to his request that morning without hesitation. I said yes as if I didn’t know that following Him meant doing the most difficult thing I’d ever done before. It was 4 a.m. and by 11 a.m. we—Jesus and me—had packed as many of my belongings into my car that would fit, called my mother to tell her I had relapsed, and drove back home to Minnesota. I experienced, for the first time in my life, complete surrender. I left behind, what I believed, was everything true in my life without as much as a goodbye. I even remember the moment that the palpable presence of Jesus left my car. It was as we crossed that last state line; as if He knew that was my point of no turning back.

Although in some ways I cherish that morning, I have always thought Jesus would have rather shown up as an embodied Christ follower. The Christian should be the place to break strongholds—pride, greed, consumerism, judgment, shame, lust—but too often it is what contributes to them. I want to be a Christ follower first. People say this, and when they do I become to think believers are aware of the problems we’re facing, even when that isn’t the truth. When saying yes to the church’s request to “Follow us as we are following Christ” becomes the easiest yes a person will ever utter is the moment at which we’ll know we’ve finally figured it out. And until then it is up to me [us] to remain actively passionate about the Spirit’s desires before allowing anything so extraordinary to become ordinary ever again.

The World … Worthy Cause or Waste of Time?

16 Sunday Sep 2012

Posted by in Faith Reflections, The World Around Us

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I have always loved getting lost in the creative process. I like to imagine this hobby of mine as a common interest I hold with my Abba Father. In the last few months though, I have focused on a specific creative outlet … I have become obsessed with upcycling. I take something someone thought of as garbage, or something that was recycled, and I transform it into something useful or possibly beautiful.

Each time I dive into a new creation. I’m reminded it is God who is the ultimate “upcycler.” We are ourselves an upcycled product, after all. At some point while wandering His newly designed planet, He took notice of the dust. He pondered how it could be better used … used again. He thought up something beautiful and then breathed life into it. What joy I get out of taking a lame attempt to mimic His wonderful process.

As much joy as it gives, it also saddens me at times. My soul increasingly becomes aware of the waste I contribute to the earth, by mishandling or ignorance. My mind has been tuned into the amount of recyclable items I throw away, either out of laziness or simple lack of education. The following is a reflection I wrote in regards to the culmination of these very things. It is something I wrote in an effort to speak into my own heart and my own shortcomings–not from a place of judgement.  

Grace and Peace

The World: A Worthy Cause or a Waste of Time?

 I was sitting in Caribou studying for my Environmental Science test.  I was reading about nuclear waste, refuse treatment plants, and landfills. My hand was resting gently around my perfectly chilled coffee cooler. This wasn’t a moment, like others I’ve experienced, when I was expecting the presence of God. The topic of common garbage dump contents seemed a little dark for the source of all light. My expectations, however, were wrong.

I stopped a moment to give my eyes a rest and sip from my cup. As I did, I noticed the skyline just outside my window and became utterly awestruck by the sight.  I began to give thanks to God for all His wondrous creation, and as I prayed, I began to feel Him stirring my heart.  Here I was, in the middle of thoughts on pollution and destruction, and I knew Christ had something to say. Jesus was grieved.

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” (Gen 1:1)

Creator is the first word we are given in the Bible to describe God’s character. We read that His creations are good, very good.  We then learn He takes pleasure in this very good work of His. He creates. He calls it good. He enjoys it.  Then He turns it over to us to be cared for.

God’s good creation is crumbling, and as His children shouldn’t it be Christians leading the fight to protect God’s gift for us? We fight for other good things He has designed and gifted to us.  Marriage between a man and woman, for example, is a fight we see as worthy of our time, money, and effort. In fact, we have fought with such passion for God’s design of marriage that the term ‘anti-homosexual’ is now the first word used to describe Christians by 91% of all non-believers under the age of 29. (Kinnaman 2007) Personally, I would prefer to be called a tree-hugger.  Truthfully speaking, it’s easy for me to fight for marriage as God designed it, since that already fits my life. It’s fighting for the things that would require change in my own life that really seem hard.

This change could be letting our lawns go without watering them and not caring what the neighbors might think.  It could be committing to purchasing only second hand items or spending more to ensure proper manufacturing care was taken in its production. It means learning to recycle better, reuse more often, and upcycle things we thought were garbage. It means buying organic, even if the grocery bill goes up. It means speaking out, and standing behind, those who already fighting the fight.

As I left Caribou, I kept my plastic cup in hand while I walked through the doors.  It was the first time I had ever noticed, that despite the thousands of plastic cups that are distributed and discarded there each day, recycling wasn’t even an option.

References:
Kinnaman, David. UnChristian. Ventura CA: The Barna Group, 2007. pg. 27

Breaking My Silence

15 Saturday Sep 2012

Posted by in My Life

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My last blog series took more out of me than I had anticipated, but I’m feeling refreshed  and ready to break my silence.

My life has taken an exciting step forward, as I decided to begin my graduate program this September (instead of in January as I had previously planned). I started attending The Master’s Institute in St. Paul to obtain my Master’s in Divinity. This means that I am currently finishing my undergrad program while simultaneously starting my first semester at seminary.

Intense is a fitting word.

I feel enormously blessed as well though. I ask God which direction to turn and my obedient listening to Him continues to lead me to amazing destinations. I opted for a graduate school that has a covering far outreaching leadership skills and theological education. This means I’m up for more challenges–in time, finances and personal refinement. To say that it’s worth it, is a drastic understatement. I am surrounded by people who are dedicated to each other. People who understand what Kingdom loving and living looks like and has the perseverance needed to impart this to others who desire the same. The careful investigation of curriculum, instructors, and personal character formation is such a rare and precious find.

My small endorsement, if you will.

I’m happy to be in front of my computer. I’m excited to have seeds of love to spread through my blog again. I’m following God’s prompting to get back to the keyboard and trust the place we are going is good!

Grace and Peace

 

 

 

Little Piece of Shame

25 Wednesday Jul 2012

Posted by in Faith Reflections, My Life, The World Around Us

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Shame.  Shame, my friends, is not from God. Shame does not shed light. Shame does not expose darkness. Rather, it is shame that keeps people in the dark. And likewise, guilt is not from God, because God does not need guilt to bring people to Him. Those condemnations echoing in your head are from Satan or they are from ignorant people – they are not from your Abba Father.  During this period of time on Earth, God convicts, He doesn’t condemn. And conviction, although difficult to face and often hard to hear, feels nothing like condemnation.

I wish the reason I had to give the next generation for staying pure until marriage was a beautiful response; a response filled with closeness to another human, a story of pained date nights that included lots of leaning on God for strength against our raging hormones, or perhaps a fantastical vow I had made to Jesus stay a virgin for Him.  But my ugly, truthful reason is a war that raged within me for years.  A battle involving God’s truth and my shame.  Years of unending lies, spiraling desperation, and an incompleteness I was unable to identify.

My sexual history, most likely, does not look like yours in any way. I do not know my “number”, and just this year have come to realize that far too many sexual encounters I have had in my life were rape.  But the world in which I immersed myself in “No” had simply lost all meaning.  The places and people I found myself with could be seen as glamorous at times and vile at others … the two became so intertwined I had no way of determining the difference after a while.  Club owners. Professional athletes. Pimps. Business executives. Prostitutes. Strippers. Drug dealers. Musicians. It became a spiraling dance … played to the song of my shame.

But why is it I believe my history is helpful to you?   Maybe your past and mine don’t have similarities. Maybe you plan on being selective of your partners, or you are planning on keeping your “number” under 10 …. perhaps even lower? . The reason I’ve chosen to bear my soul is not to compare scars with others.  Rather, my hope in exposing my darkness is so others can be assured that they are not alone.  I remember the suffering of my shame and it was so very lonely there.  I believe my poor choices have brought me to a place where I can better understand the magnified effects that sex – outside a covenant relationship – can have on a human.

Like Adam and Eve, when naked, I feel shame.  When I have sex, I am self conscious. When sex is over, I wonder what the other person is thinking.  Even within the context of a covenant relationship, it is very difficult to discuss these things … this is one reason why women can live a life time without climaxing.  It is a reason why a couple can be sex-less for years.  It is often why some become unfaithful.  What is difficult to discuss with your spouse, is impossible (laughable even) to talk about with a stranger, boy/girlfriend, or fling.  So you walk away with a question on your heart, a question you keep inside.  It could be, but doesn’t need to be, a question of self doubt on how you performed, looked, or what they thought of you.  It might be a look they gave you, something they did to you, or something they said that made you uncomfortable – even queasy just remembering it. This thing leaves behind an ugly secret … it leaves behind a little piece of shame.

And so, rinse and repeat a few times or a hundred times and before long that little piece of shame has turned into a big pile of . . . well, you know.

But this shame we carry … it is not from God.  This piece of information is vital … it is of the utmost importance we understand it.  God does not want us to feel ashamed; which is why he didn’t want Adam and Eve to eat that fruit.  They ate the fruit, they saw they were naked, and they were ashamed.  This was the fall.  There is something about shame that God knows we can’t handle, and I bet God can’t wait to wipe it out in preparation of His kingdom.  Shame can hold us to a pattern of destruction by simply being present in our minds.  And ridding it from our minds can practically break us.

I often pray for the people I encountered sexually over the years.  I do so because I know that it wasn’t just me who walked away with a piece of shame, but them as well. I imagine some of those men, now possibly married with kids, look back and remember doing things to women that were wrong, ugly, or out of character.  I imagine, they too, feel shame.

So in short, my answer for waiting is this: God understands that our sexual nature is such a deep place of desire, confusion, mystery, and holiness that the only place it can be fully enjoyed is with your spouse.  For each person you give yourself to, you will be left with either a very small, or very big, mark on your heart (and you will likewise be giving one to the other).  If this “leaving of marks” is given, only in exchange with the person whom we have chosen to become one with, then nothing will be gained or lost … instead it will be strengthened.

What are you waiting for?

12 Thursday Jul 2012

Posted by in Faith Reflections, The World Around Us

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My last post got me thinking about a question. A question that I think needs to be answered.  A question that I assume, most American’s at least, ask themselves at some point in their lives.  A question that I used to ask myself a lot.  It’s a question that is asked at that moment when we are first confronted with the notion of our virginity.  That question is likely asked repeatedly, possibly for years, and usually up until the day we are married. The question, of course, is ….

Why wait for marriage?

It was my thoughts on Adam and Eve in the garden that got me thinking about this question. In particular, the thought on how a married couple – once their eyes were opened – had such an instantaneous feeling of shame in regards to their sexual nature. They were married and they still felt unsure of one another. And in the case of Adam and Eve, there was no need for shame. They were a faithful couple. They entered marriage as virgins. Likely, they didn’t lust after others … if only because there was no one else to lust after.  But still … they felt shame.

The younger generation, our children, those who are still trying to remain pure deserve an answer to their simple, single question in regards to sex before marriage. Why should they wait? There are answers I have heard to this question, of course.

“Because sex is meant to be shared with your spouse”

“Because sex before marriage is a sin”

“Because God’s design for sex was within the contexts of a marriage”

Yes to all of these … but still, why? In the book Unchristian the author tells us that one of the reasons the younger generation is falling away from the church is because they are not being intellectually challenged. I think this topic, this question, is a perfect case in point. The answer that … sex is meant for marriage because that is the way God designed it and to engage in sex outside of marriage is a sin … is demeaning to those asking the question. This answer is the same kind we give our five year old’s when they ask us why they have to brush their teeth … ‘Because I say so’. And, at times, this answer may do the trick – if what you desire is to stop the question from being asked. But the “Why wait?” question, that will be asked repeatedly during an influential time in one’s life, simply cannot be quenched with such a pat answer.

I think we avoid answering the question on a more intellectual level for many reasons.  I believe there are many people who haven’t searched for a better answer, people who would rather avoid the possibility of an awkward conversation, and others who lack the experience to know themselves. I’m ready to take a stab at a more in-depth answer. Mine isn’t the “right” answer (if one even  exists). Rather, it is my view from where I now stand in Christ, balanced with a retrospection of my past.

My encouragement to you is to attempt to answer it as well.  Go ahead and ask yourself the question, then determine the worth and intelligence of your answer.  If your children are old enough, ask them to answer the question. Ask your spouse. And trust that there are no correct answers. Our sexual nature is holy, it’s mysterious, and that leaves each of us with some uncertainty. Don’t let uncertainty stop you from trying. The next generation needs our effort on this. I think it’s time that the societal responses to this question stop winning the argument.  I think it’s time we set aside our fear of being uncomfortable. I think it’s time to let the Spirit move us to find a better answer.

My response is coming in my next post.  I hope to hear answers from you as well.  My answer will come from a fallen place, but I know others have answers which come from a different place.  Perhaps a place of faithfulness to God’s design for sex.  Or a place, not of destructive choices, but in hope found after abuse.

Time to Turn Off the Porn

18 Monday Jun 2012

Posted by in My Life, The World Around Us

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Pornography isn’t a comfortable subject to approach. I’m going to do it anyway.

First though, I must pray over my blog and readers.  I ask the Holy Spirit to protect the eyes of those who should not read this, that they would be blinded to these painful words of mine.  I ask my Heavenly Father to expose this darkness and bring light to those people that desperately DO need to see this.  And I ask my Savior to hold my heart and hand tightly as I share.

Recent research done at the University of Sydney indicates 70% of of men and 30% of women view porn. I imagine – private survey aside – that the majority of these men and women do not think or speak highly of their closed door habit. Since pornography is surrounded by such a dark place in our souls, people do not want to expose this habit to those around them … but I think we need to and I believe we have to do it now.

Pornography needs be discussed, dissected and dug out of this Earth before it grows any further.  Porn reminds me of the creeping thistle that I fought so hard against in my last home.  It’s roots so thin and brittle, just looking their way was practically enough to make them break apart and disappear.  But I knew the root was long, connected and rooted deep in the dirt.  I knew it was just waiting for the next place to pop up and grow. And what if – just like this thistle – porn use continues to grow as it is? What happens if it isn’t exposed the way it needs to be?

This thing affects every part of our lives; leaving marriages bloody, people completely clueless to what sex is, and the women??  Those women you are watching?  Please understand the very likely possibility that she is being held against her will. That there is a really good chance that she is scared, unable to leave and the abuse you just watched her endure wasn’t in the least bit consensual.

The affects of viewing porn, or indulging in fantasy of any form, are so painfully extensive.  I could review them, but I would rather encourage you to take the time to read this post by Mike Friesen.  It captures the issue so perfectly that there is no need for me to do it again.  Instead, I will share a part of my testimony.

There was a point in my life when I chose to be in sexually abusive relationships. My deep, unrelenting desire to be loved, combined with the conviction that there was no chance I ever would be, led me into sexual relationships that were nothing short of horrific. I was bruised, beaten, raped, manipulated, coerced, and lied to. Since these relationships brought me no sexual satisfaction, I often succumbed to temptation. I would view porn that mirrored the sex I was having, likely because these men were creating their own false ideals of sex by watching something similar.

As I reflect back, I think one of the biggest problems, for me, with porn was that even though I had repented of the outward sexual depravity in my life, I was still haunted and tempted by my past choices. When I allowed it to, this haunting had the power to plague me with shame and hopelessness … and I allowed it to for far too long. I told myself I needed to be ashamed of who I was and what I had done. It was this lie that kept me in that disgusting place for so long.  In rehab they use a saying, “You are only as sick as your sickest secret.”  I had just left a life full of secrets, and I was as sick as I had ever been.

Shame is not from God.  Shame is from Satan.  Shame holds us in bondage, but I have chosen to move out from this bondage.  I now know that there is beautiful freedom in the forgiveness in Christ. There is relief in sharing my sickest secrets with someone I love and trust.

The last time I viewed porn God spoke to me. I can easily count the number of times God has whispered clearly/audibly to me. It isn’t an everyday occurrence.  I wish I hadn’t wasted one of my chats with Him on this. What He told me was the girl in the video was a sex slave. And instantly, I saw it.  The screen in front of me changed; it was as if I had been blind to it but a second ago. I stopped watching mindlessly and looked at her. It was obvious once I took the time to think about it … actually took the time to look at her.  But somehow we program ourselves not to look at her.

It is time we start looking at her.

It is time to stop treating this woman, this Temple of the same Holy Spirit that lives in us, as nothing more than an unworthy piece of flesh.  It is time to stop treating her as an object, only there as a means in which we try [in vain] to fill the hole of our sickest secret. She is in need of love. She is in need of freedom from a broken life.  And, unlike so many other problems in our world, our part in the solution to her brokenness is simple …

It is time to turn off the porn.

Holy Spirit, please allow judgment to pass from those hearts that might be hardening in the midst of my ugly testimony. Free me from my own lies and self judgment. Guide those who read this, those who hide behind closed doors with pornography, to SEE the woman on the screen.  To open their eyes to the broken girl who has lost hope, all because of our self indulgent and ugly nature.  Open all our eyes to the true tragedy this is.  Bind Satan from keeping us quiet, from telling us a lie that this is too hard or too ugly to be exposed.  Wake us up, Lord.

Wake up, sleeper!

     Rise from the dead!

        And Christ will shine on you!

Ephesians 5:14

 

Sex: An Easy Sale

15 Friday Jun 2012

Posted by in Faith Reflections, My Life, The World Around Us

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My poor newlywed husband.  We just waded through a conversation brought on by this blog series.  It was a sharing of secrets … a “You tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine” type of thing. The conversation got very deep. I was overwhelmed by the reality that I am so fully loved by this man that I am able to share things with him I never thought I would share with anyone.  Which sort of makes them something other than secrets, doesn’t it?  But then, what does it make them?

It seems to me that the things we keep hidden from others are often those things associated with our sexuality – with our sexual nature, actions and desires.  I believe, in part, this is due to an underlying misunderstanding of these things.  This misunderstanding leads to unfair judgment and manipulation.

Some examples of this unfair judgment and misunderstanding might help clarify my thoughts here. Take porn addiction … it has a much uglier demeanor [in society], then any other addiction. This is even truer when we compare it to other addictions. We have probably all known people who have taken a sort of pride in their food indulgence, binge drinking, shopping habits, drug use or those who boast being a workaholic.  Or we could look to victims of rape. Why is it so hard to come forward for victims? It is so hard to do. I know because I didn’t always come forward. There are experts who believe we are only aware of half of all sexual assaults that occur.  Or why is it a large majority of women don’t want to admit to masturbation, because of – what I assume – is embarrassment.  And having the sex talk with our children can be so uncomfortable for some that it is often avoided all together.

As these thoughts are entering into my brain, I’m brought to Genesis.  After eating fruit from the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve’s eyes were said to be opened.  And the very first thing that happened was ‘They realized they were naked, and sewed leaves to cover themselves’.  This realization of nudity happened so fast after the fruit incident, we find no other action between these two in Genesis.  And when verses were added for reference, they didn’t even give this sentence two notations.  Instead Genesis 3:7 says to us in one complete breath that … their eyes were opened and both Adam and Eve ran to cover themselves.  There were, no doubt, other eye opening judgments that they pointed out to one another later this very same day … judgments that were easy to hand out once they had covered up their sexy parts.

It seems sexual nature, and the subsequent judging of that nature – both our own and others – was at the very forefront of the mind of Adam and Eve. That questioning (or misunderstanding) of their sexual nature came first. The questions probably were along the lines of …

How did they look? Who was looking? What were they looking at? What was the other person was thinking? And how did those fig leaves accentuated what was beneath them?

Since the Fall brought with it shame, one might also say this questioning of their sexual nature was the deepest rooted point of shame in regards to the judging of other’s sin.

So, how does this theme of misunderstanding of sex affect society today?  And more importantly, how can we become better at exposing those things that are in desperate need of light?  The job of the advertiser is to get us to purchase their product by any means necessary. The easiest way to do this is to sell us what we desire the most. Sex seems one of the obvious answers, but there is something that is more compelling to the advertisers than just our deep desire for sex … it is our shame and insecurity in sex that makes it an easy sell every time. If out of shame and misunderstanding (coupled with fallen desires), we refuse calling out the advertisement as a lie, it becomes an easy win for the corporate world.  But by allowing this to continue, we are letting the world succumb to a “new normal”.  A new normal that is no normal I want to have anything to do with.

Well, I’ve been writing this post for a week.  Actually, I wrote it in an hour or so and I’ve been editing it for a week.   What I’m missing is an ending.  What I hoped for was a solution. But maybe it’s not the solution God wants me to end with, maybe it is just a continuous, repeated exposure to the problem that He is asking for.  So although I’m frustrated by my own post, I’m going to end it here, in hopes of moving forward. But I will offer this thought in closing – the next time someone tries to sell you a grotesque hamburger by means of tugging at your lusty loins …. recognize the lie, expose it to the light, and say no to that sale.

I am not a victim

13 Wednesday Jun 2012

Posted by in Faith Reflections, My Life, The World Around Us, Widowed World

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A kind, Christian friend came to me last night with a gentle reminder, and I am so touched by her candor and honesty.  After our conversation, I felt that I needed to further my post from yesterday with a few other thoughts.

First, I do not consider myself a victim of childhood abuse.  I do not intend for my readers to do so either. Being exposed to sexual images at a young age in which we are not capable of understanding, does not equate with being physically assaulted at a young age. My love and prayers to all of those people, abused as children – those still being abused, is over whelming. In no way did I intend to minimize the pain and suffering of those healing from such a tragic event. If I have hurt anyone, I am sorry.

Second, I want to be clear that I believe we all make our own choices.  Part of the reason these posts are so extremely difficult for me is because these horrific things were due to my own choices. I did these ugly, shameful acts.  And I did them because of my own fallen nature. It was Christ alone who had the power to remove these things … remove them as far as the east is from the west.  And I praise Him everyday for that grace He so freely gives.

Third, I am going somewhere with these posts (lol).  There is no excuse for my bad choices, and please know it is not an excuse I am in search of. It has been through a ton of prayerful consideration that I have begun writing these posts, but I believe some groundwork needs to be laid out in order to get where I am going.

My heart is to help others find the freedom I have found in Christ.  Because there is freedom to be found!  Freedom from the lies we whisper to ourselves at night.  Freedom from the shame and guilt we never let out.  Freedom from the pain and suffering we have endured, even if that pain was self inflicted.  Christ is offering freedom, and this freedom is indescribable.

I love my readers. I’m not sure I have said that recently (and I don’t say it enough). I also love my friends, those with the heart to follow the words of Jesus in Matthew 18 and come to me with anything they feel led to.  I encourage others to do the same.  This road is bound to have bumps, and I will not always get it right.  I do know that God has had this topic on my heart for months.  I have prayed about each word, and struggled with each keystroke.  Stick with me; I truly believe God has plans for me [within these posts], plans to give hope – not just hope for me, but for those who are reading.

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